DIARY OF A MANTIS MAN~!!
Hey gang~!! It's been a wild and wacky year and the passage of the vernal equinox surely means even more good times ahead~!! Let's get this world party started earth humans~!!
ITEM~!!: UltraMantis returns to his old stampin grounds of Allentown, Pennsylvania; North American Continent; EARTH as CHIKARA PRO blows up at St. John's Auditorium on November 9. Then, just 7 days later, CHIKARA PRO is back in Allentown. same time, same place. 7 days after this marks the return to Palo Alto, PA, US region, North American Continent, EARTH at the Palo Alto Firefighting Hall on November 21. Monetary admission into all shows is a paltry five American dollars.
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Chik-Tac-Toe~!! UltraMantis and Mister ZERO get themselves caught up in a zany game of tic-tac-toe?! Believe it! These crazy but loveable rapscallions are at it again in their seemingly never-ending rivalry both in and out of the ring. Test you skill at placing variables within a nine sectored grid. Become a part of the feud as you assume the role of Mister ZERO and face off against the Mantis one-on-one, in what we here at the internet like to call - Chik Tac Toe!!
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ITEM~!!: Mantis will be appearing in the C-Pro's inaugural "Young Lion's Cup" torunament beginning in the month of November. The winner of this tournament will win both a young lion and a cup. The tournament starts November 9 and continues November 16.
Inside the Inner Ear of a Praying Mantis...
Ever wonder what
a professional wrestling half-insect, half-superhero, half-mathmatecian listens
to while relaxing on the third moon of Jupiter? No? Well here's what the Mantis
has been listening to this month:
1. _____________ - "-------- -- -------"
2. rTT6eeeee% 000000M - "7UuUii77iu7"
3. Joy Division - "Power, Corruption, and Lies"
4. YYYYYYYYYY&&&&& - " 1"
5. =``:'\,<//-###^`^`^* - "`*~*~`+*****"
ITEM~!!: Indubitably
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THE
MEGA SUPER NAKED FOODFIGHT
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ULTRA MOVIE REVIEWS~!!
Every month (or
so) UltraMantis will review the latest movies right here~!! What will he have
to say? Thumbs up or thorax down? Let's take a look at this month's reviews~!
1. BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE - Didn't see it.
2. THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 - Didn't see it.
3. HARRY POTTER - Fell asleep.
4. ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING - Didn't see it.
Check us out next time for more exciting reviews from the mind of the Mantis~!!
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Super
Puroresu Pong~!! That wacky Asian nut Ebessan, famed of song and story, has challenged UltraMantis to a friendly game of Pong and Mantis needs your help! Although they've found an adequate playing field and ball (the inflated corporate head of Mister ZERO), UltraMantis has developed an acute case of diptheria and just doesn't have the necessary vim and vigor to last through a grueling round of video pixilated ping pong. Help Mantis one-up that rambunctious Japanese protector of basic livelihoods and diety of successful business!! |
FUN FACT~!!! : The UltraMantis wears size 11 boots.
ULTRA
JOKE OF
THE WEEK~!!
Q: What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a terodactyl?
A: Nothing. Cross-breeding of species is a zoological anamoly which can only
occur when gestation cycles match DNA replication periods. Also, dinosaurs don't
exist.
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Play
MYSTERY DETECTIVE~!!
In this issue of MYSTERY DETECTIVE, our missing person is a well-known character on the independent professional wrestling scene. A great dancer and a snappy dresser. Use your magic flashlight to find him and reveal his identity~!! (Click on the flashlight to the right and begin exploring.) |
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????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? |
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*** That's it for the this time folks. Remember to visit www.ultramantis.com every single day of your life so as to be sure you won't miss a single minute of the non-stop zany. Be sure to check out our fabulous sponsors: Morningstar Farms and the fine people at the VANS Footwear Company. Always remember that Professional Wrestling is Not a Crime. Abyssinya~!! ***
